Jay-Dee - Glorifying Insanity

My Kickass Birthday.

2004-05-21T00:33:02Z

I'm sick...AGAIN. On a good note, my 18th birthday rocked. Weeeeeee!

My parents took me to see the guys from Whose Line Is It Anyways? It was hilarious and much fun. We went to a little pub for dinner where they give you way too much food and take fifteen minutes to serve a slice of apple pie.

My boyfriend and I went to a flea market and played with talking Teletubbies. Well...I did. And I attacked him with a Jurassic Park dinosaur.

Then we went to a few garage sales. I got called a slut...not quite sure what evidence the hooligans flying by in their car had to back that up. But hey...guess I'm the 711 whore. We had lunch at Dairy Queen too where Jesse scared the cashier by using me as a puppet to sing the YMCA song. Hehe.

Then we went to the stag shop which was amusing as all hell. Jesse was so nervous and unbearably cute. Did you know there IS such a thing as a 13 inch dildo? Be very, very afraid. Ooo...and they have these things called Lollicocks. The thought of my mother sucking on a candy dick is just too disturbing...hence I didn't take up my boyfriend's dare to buy her one. And I'm sorry but boobs do not feel like sticky goop. I'm beginning to think the people that design fake body parts have never experienced the female body for themselves. I did have my eyes on those fur-lined handcuffs though...

After we bought a dirty game he took me shopping and I got flip-flops! Yay...preparation for summer! They're cute. And blue. And fun. And then we went to see Van Helsing (weird...) and had supper at Jack Astors (once again...WAY too much food). Overall, my birthday rocked.

*smoochies to mah boy*

Reunited with LJ users Worldwide. Joy.

2004-04-12T20:36:10Z

So...this is a little weird. Haven't posted for awhile. Haven't written fanfic for awhile. I've been really busy with academics and such, unfortunately. Almost done my first year in university, woo-hoo! Exams are coming up...boo-hoo. I've been doing a lot with my boyfriend too, who got me a baby bunny for Easter! We named him Corona. He's drunk all the time. hehe. As far as my writing, I've been focusing on material outside the fanfic realm for the current time. And since I'm not sure where to start because I haven't posted in decades...I guess I'll just fill out this odd questionarre. Yes...that's what I'll do.

1. If I were a month, I'd be: May.
2. If I were a day of the week, I'd be: Friday.
3. If I were a time of day, I'd be: Sunrise.
4. If I were a planet, I'd be: Pluto.
5. If I were a sea animal, I'd be: Dorey (oh, wait...she's not a species on her own...damn).
6. If I were a direction, I'd be: West (although I don't have any sense of direction, that's irrelevant).
7. If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be: A bed (bouncey, bouncey, bouncey!).
8. If I were a sin, I'd be: Hmmm...can I be all seven?
9. If I were a historical figure, I'd be: Louis XIV - I always wanted to dance around in red heels!
10. If I were a liquid, I'd be: Lemonade.
11. If I were a tree, I'd be: A weeping willow.
12. If I were a bird, I'd be: A penguin...they're a bird...really...
13. If I were a flower, I'd be: Wildflowers.
14. If I were a kind of weather, I'd be: Sunny with a cool breeze.
15. If I were a mythical creature, I'd be: A unicorn.
16. If I were a musical instrument, I'd be: A saxamaphone.
17. If I were an animal, I'd be: A monkey.
18. If I were a color, I'd be: Yellow.
19. If I were an emotion, I'd be: Insanity.
20. If I were a vegetable, I'd be: A Carrot.
21. If I were a sound, I'd be: An irritable buzzing in your head.
22. If I were an element, I'd be: Water.
23. If I were a car, I'd be: A bug...because I'm cute that way...
24. If I were a song, I'd be: I am slowly going crazy...
25. If I were a movie, I'd be: One of those ones that's constructed out of sequence just to confuse everyone.
26. If I were a food, I'd be: Kraft Dinner - the cheesy, fun food of the world.
27. If I were a place, I'd be: The Shire - home to little freaks.
28. If I were a material, I'd be: Suede. I don't know why.
29. If I were a taste, I'd be: Sweet and sugary.
30. If I were a scent, I'd be: Jasmine.
31. If I were a religion, I'd be: Wicca...such coolness.
32. If I were a word, I'd be: Booga-booga!
33. If I were an object, I'd be: Shiny.
34. If I were a body part, I'd be: A belly button.
35. If I were a facial expression, I'd be: A smile.
36. If I were a part of a house, I'd be: The attic.
37. If I were a subject in school, I'd be: Creative writing.
38. If I were a cartoon character, I'd be: Bugs Bunny.
39. If I were a shape, I'd be a: Distorted circle.
40. If I were a number, I'd be: 8.

A new direction...

2004-03-06T15:31:24Z

I got a haircut today and my hair styled. It's so purty...except I think I'm getting high off the hairspray fumes. Anyways...

I've been contemplating taking a new direction with my writing. I think that I've become stuck in the whole fan fiction world, and yet I know I want to do something else with my writing. I want to progress and move forward and develop my own stories with my own unique characters because in the future if I wrote anything professionally, it's not like I'll be able to publish fan fiction. The main reasons I've continued to write fan fiction all these years, even before I created my site, are ones of fear. I was always scared to write anything that I might have to commit myself to and be responsible for. Something that could potentially become something bigger. I just wanted easy writing where the characters and back story were already developed for me...I just had to make them move and talk. But now - now I'm thinking differently about taking a new direction. I think that I need to get unhooked from the fan fiction world and take some time to explore my writing and see where it goes. It may be a drastic move...but in the end, I think it will be worth it.

I think something is seriously wrong with me.

2004-03-04T01:16:24Z

I think I'm surfing some emotional low. My self-confidence has just been down-spiraling lately for no apparent reason. I mean, it's so bad that when I got a university paper back that was an A-, I was disappointed that I had made stupid little errors that prevented me from getting an A. Or sometimes when I've been sitting in class, I've compared myself to the other girls surrounding me and have immediately concluded that they are ten times more attractive than I am...to the point where every single girl I see now I have claimed is better looking than me. It's really depressing. Everything I've written lately I've been skeptical about and unsatisfied with. I've been feeling so insecure. I've been magically putting thoughts into my head that I'm fat (as usual) and have started working out nearly every day as if I absolutely must...and I just keep feeling like I will never look good in a bikini, even if I try to achieve the body that I want for the summer. The prospect of going back to my bad eating habits still lingers in the back of my brain during these times. Plus, everyone's love lives are going to hell. My friends. My parents. It makes me worry about my own relationship even though I don't have any reason to. My best friend recently got cheated on and now I've been having nightmares of my boyfriend doing the same. I've been getting jealous when he mentions chatting to some near stranger on the internet just because she's female. I hate feeling like this. I just feel like a good old pile of shit. I don't know where to go from here...

What the hell? Am I a nympho?

2004-02-21T13:53:10Z

I took these quizzes in the midst of boredom, and for some reason I'm seeing a pattern...I'm not that horny people. What the hell? This is so tragic.

Smashed

Which Spuffy Romp Are You?
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You are the Sun card. The light of the Sun reveals
all. The Sun is joyful and bright, without fear
or reservation. The childish nature of the Sun
allows you to play and feel free. Exploration
can truly take place in the light of day when
nothing is hidden. The Sun's rays fill you with
energy so that you may live life to its
fullest, milking pleasure out of each day. Such
joy and energy can bring wealth and physical
pleasure. To shine in the light of day is to
have confidence, to soak up its rays is to feel
the freedom of a child. Image from: Stevee
Postman. http://www.stevee.com/

Which Tarot Card Are You?
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You're Lolita!

by Vladimir Nabokov

Considered by most to be depraved and immoral, you are obsessed with
sex. What really tantalizes you is that which deviates from societal standards in every
way, though you admit that this probably isn't the best and you're not sure what causes
this desire. Nonetheless, you've done some pretty nefarious things in your life, and
probably gotten caught for them. The names have been changed, but the problems are real.
Please stay away from children.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

You're a Kinkster! Nothing too over the top, but
you love to play and believe sex should be fun,
not just hot and steamy. You're adventerous
within your limits and make a hot and spicey
lover. You're open minded and adore sex.

The Definative -Just How Kinky and Perverted Are You?- Quiz.
brought to you by Quizilla

Driving. So soon. Yes. Sweetness.

2004-02-20T21:05:45Z

Yes. Yes. YES!

I swear that was not just an orgasm or me in the midst of using Herbal Essences. Actually, I just finished my driving lessons so I can now officially take my driving test and I will be on the road, baby (FINALLY)! It's yayness!

I hereby swear not to hit any pedestrians unless they are giving me the finger, sporting a Russian hat doing the can-can, or eating pineapple. I will not hit animals. Except for poodles. And pengiuns.

Kidding. ha ha...

cough, cough, sniffle, sniffle

2004-02-15T22:33:10Z

I feel so attractive right now with my chaffed and snotty nose and my ragged smoker-like coughs accompanied by hunks of phleghm. Too bad all of you aren't here right now to rub Vicks VapoRub all over my chest. You know you want me.

I vote for that sick LJ mood icon being very disturbing. But anyhoo, it figures during mid-term break I get a stupid cold. I don't know how many I've had this winter but it has sucked one hell of a lot. I end up sitting in front of the computer with a warm water bottle stuffed under my shirt. Immediate breast enhancement. It's great. On a better note though, since I've been suffering with a tragic disease and wallowing in self-pity, I have managed a second part to Teacher's Pet. <---Click to read it.

P.S. I heard about Angel being cancelled. It actually hasn't affected me that much because I haven't had the time to watch this season, but it is rather depressing.

Everyone being all mysterious.

2004-02-07T13:14:57Z

So people nominated me in the Spuffy Awards. This was very, very nice. This is the first year I've actually had people nominating me. Before I wasn't very well known so sometimes I'd enter into small awards but never anything extravagant. And yet these people are a mystery to me. I don't know why it drives me so crazy that I don't know who has been nominating me. Maybe just because I really, really wanna thank them. And I can't. So I feel kind of undeserving.

However, a new fic is available on the site Exfoliated. It's an AU story, my very first, and it stars a 16-year-old rebellious Buffy (think kind of 'Lolita' figure) and her music teacher Mr. William aka Spike. And I'm sure you can let your imagination run from there. Here's a teaser though:

Yes...so easy to surrender to; his strong, soft hands guiding hers. The heat his body radiated when he pressed against her from behind, instructing her, so experienced and fulfilled. She imagined as the sounds came from her unsure strokes how it would feel to guide his hands over the geography of her body. She secretly envisioned what he would be like, an inexperienced boy, trembling hands and wet lips, struggling to find his way in a lost paradise. Or would he handle a woman the same way he handled a violin? Knowing all the tricks, possessing her and cradling her until she sung of ecstasy.

I hope you all check it out and let me know what you think through email or post a comment here or on my tagboard at the site. It's called Teacher's Pet.

I feel so special. Sincerely.

2004-02-05T21:50:53Z

You know what? You guys all rock my boat. I love you. Madly.

Today one of my TA's at the university complimented me on my writing skills and challenged me to this whole cool thesis thing for my next essay. And then, what was even better, was when I came home to check my email, lo and behold a cute little email popped up telling me people nominated my fiction at the Wicked Muse Awards. And that just made me feel all warm and tingly.

The weird thing is, I really wanna know who these peeps are that are secretly interested in my writing. Don't just nominate me, send me an email introducing yourself, talk to me. Make yourself known, people! Post a comment in my journal saying "Hi, my name's Candy and I like chocolate!" or bug me through email and my tagboard on the site. Pleeeease. It's important to me to know who you are. I hate not having connections to people who are reading my work. I want to know you, okay? But if you decide to be shy even after I've said this and not make contact with me, I want to thank you very much for supporting my writing. I mean it. Thank you.

For all the women in this world who wanna get their second of fame.

2004-02-03T21:27:06Z

Okay...you girls have to read this. It's one-hundred-percent good American fun. I demand you use these. Soon. Often. It'll be funny.

HE SAID-SHE SAID

He said . . ...... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . . You wear pants don't you?

He said . . . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said . . ...... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . . ......Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said . . . Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said . . . I would but you're never there.

He said . . . Why did the man cross the road?
She said . . . He heard the chicken was a slut.

He said . . . Why don't women blink during foreplay?
She said .. . . They don't have time

He said . . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said ...... . . We don't know; it has never happened.

He said . . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
She said ...... . . They already have boyfriends.

She said...What do you call a women who knows where her husband is every night?
He said . . . A widow.

He said . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

-geegle!- I'm still debating which one is most insulting and therefore my favourite...hmmm...

Butterfly Effect makes me whoopy!

2004-01-31T13:53:22Z

Okay - the movie Butterfly Effect was some crazy shit. It was one of the most disturbing movies I've ever seen and it managed to be terrifying without a lot of gore or actual element of "horror". It was the kind of scary that makes you uncomfortable. The very good kind. So yeah, shout outs to that movie. Thanks wisteria for that inspiration to go and see it.

What else is new. Hmmm...I might be taking hip-hop dancing lessons next year. Wee! I also am debating writing some more Angel/Spike fiction after getting so much good feedback on Blood by Necessity. And that's all for now. I'm outtie.

Look, I'm flying!

2004-01-29T00:36:26Z

You are blessed with FAERY wings. Beauty,
laughter, life, magic...that's what you are all
about. You are refreshingly innocent and happy
with your life of purity and play. Life's a
game and it's a good one. In your eyes there's
no way to lose! You can be very mischeivous and
have been known to cause trouble, but it's all
in the name of fun and not meant to really harm
anyone. You like to play tricks on people who
aren't quite as bright or clever as you - which
is almost everyone. Nature is the setting you
prefer to be in - Always. Barefoot and wild you
can't be tamed. You're probably a restless
spirit who loves to travel, and quite a
dreamer. Your creativity is astounding and your
art (of whatever media - from writing to
painting to drama) is like something from
another world - ethereal and often very
fantasy-oriented. You can either be a social
butterfly or a loner with their head in the
clouds - but rarely inbetween. You stubbornly
refuse to accept responsibility or to give in
to the wishes of others - unless you feel like
it. You have a strong passion for music and
can't imagine life without it. You'll grow up
someday, but you'll always be a child at heart.
You are adventurous and love to take risks, and
feel a deep connection with the weather,
plants, and animals. You prefer sunshine to
thunder or snow, the warmth of summer to
autumn's chill, and quiet forests to suburban
backyards. Magic through and through, you are
far more powerful than you seem, and are
capable of being extremely passionate. Though
you can be childish, naive, stubborn, and self-
absorbed, one thing is certain - life with you
will never be boring!

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

That picture is actually really funky. From now on I'm going to grow out my hair like Rapunzel, glue on a pair of wings, and dance around naked. Or not.

I don't feel like writing much else today. Blah.

Don't bloody preach to me, minion.

2004-01-27T22:04:34Z

Do you know what I really, really hate? When people intentionally try to impose their religion on me. Get over it. I'm not going to eat your ethnic foods and sit around in a circle singing Jesus Loves Me and swear against all sin for the rest of eternity just so I can say I'm part of some religious cult. Don't preach to me. Don't send me all these emails telling me what a sinner I am. I already know, thanks. Don't tell me I'm evil because I'm not a virgin. Don't tell me I should be ashamed because I swear now and again. Don't demand I go to your church to listen to some guy talk about the perfection of God while behind closed doors he has addictions, perverse wet dreams, and the desire to be something other than a follower. Don't annoy me. If I'm doing work, I'm doing work. I don't want to listen to you blabber on about how much your experiences with God have helped you through life (because apparently you've met the big man). I don't want you to comment on all the ways I can change myself to be better. I don't want to be better. I like myself just the way I am. And if I fit the description of a 'sinner' or a 'bad person' then why should I give a shit if I'm happy and you're not?

I respect people who have a religion. I respect everyone's beliefs. I do not respect people trying to convert me to theirs. I have my own, okay? If you're wondering why I'm bitching about this, it's because of this:

I'm finally accomplishing something. I'm getting work done. I am going to actually succeed in university, or so I think. I'm in the middle of a chapter (which means you better scram if you interrupt me for anything other than sex or ice cream), and some chick says, "Hello! How are you today?"

Me, looking up: Errrr...do I know you?
Her: Nope! I just wanted to speak to you about our Christian fellowship group. Do you have a minute?
Me: Yes. (One, not fifteen you pooper)
Her: Oh, good! So...do you go to church?
Me: Should I?
Her: It's important that you experience God. When I experienced him, it was absolutely uplifting.
Me, mentally: Maybe you should try an orgasm next time.
Her: So...are you a religious person?
Me: Depends how you define that. I religiously write porn, indulge in junk food that's bad for me, white lies don't count, is sex a bad thing if it's good sex? (okay...so that was all mental)
Her: Well I encourage you to go to church from now on. Haven't you ever thought about experiencing the afterlife?
Me: Uhhh...a bit. Worms eating me isn't always a pleasant thought.
Her: Do you believe in heaven and hell?
Me: Of course. Lucifer is my best friend, and God secretly envies me. (okay, that was inner thought again)
Her: So you should come out to these events we're holding and bring all your friends and we can be friends and everyone will love each other and there will be peace and beauty and the world will be right.
Me, with a disturbed glance: I've got class. Ciao.

And then to make matters worse, my friend sends me an email about all the things I should pray for tonight.

The moral of this story is: If you want to share your beliefs with me, I'm open and more than willing to listen, if not agree. If you want to convert me - fuck off, sweetheart.

The End.

P.S. Does anyone think it's really sick that guys have Internet sites with countdowns until the Olsen twins are available? I mean come on, dude. Have a little dignity, even if you are a perv.

A pointless reference.

2004-01-27T01:30:06Z

Part 3 to Switch. Swap. Screwed. is officially posted. Go check it out. It's yuuuummmyyyy.

Smoochies!

IIIIIIIIIII QUIT! cha cha cha.

2004-01-23T13:04:31Z

I am going to be liberated. I am going to stop being stressed out and depressed and angry about my two-cent piece of crap part-time weekend job that I don't need. Instead of telling my friends constantly that I can't do anything because I'm working, I will finally be able to say in a wildly orgasmic way: YES! I do not have to deal with that facile truckload of petrified hippo vomit boss. I do not have to have two jobs while I'm in university. I do not have to listen to cranky customers bitch and moan while keeping utterly silent instead of saying: Shove it up your hole with a ten foot pole. I do not have to erase my social life to spend six hours each day of the weekend standing behind a satanic cash register. I do not have to kiss their ass to keep them happy. I do not, above all, have to compromise my happiness for my father's approval or anyone else's for that matter. I am Canadian! Ooo...and I'm quitting.

Thumper thumped away.

2004-01-21T19:14:01Z

when we die
we go into the arms of those who remember us

we are home now
out of our heads
out of our minds
out of this world
out of this time

are you drowning or waving?
i just want you to save me
should we try to get along?
just try to get along

so we move
we change by the speed of the choices that we make
and the barriers are all self made
that's so retrograde

are you drowning or waving?
i just need you to save me
should we try to get along?
just try to get along

i am alive
i'm going to wait 'til the trials of confusion create
there are times when i feel the way we're about to break
when there's too much to say

we are home now
out of our heads
out of our minds
out of this world
out of this time
out of this time

My rabbit's dead. It doesn't seem so great a deal written down. It hurts though...having raised him since he was weaned from his mother. Having him think I belonged to him, rubbing his scent on me, following me around the house, jumping at people who tried to come near me (including my dog), sleeping against my stomach, giving me eskimo kisses...

My sister's dog came over to the house the other day and tried to attack him in the backyard. He scared him so much that he squealed, thumped his hind legs so hard he broke his back. There was nothing we could do.

I went to see him after. Amazing how alive things look even when they're dead. I couldn't stop crying. My boyfriend dropped everything to be with me. That helped.

I'll be okay.

Meow...

2004-01-18T04:16:06Z

What is your sexual appeal?
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Please no more deflowerer-wannabes. Please, I beg you!

So today was a good day. A very good day. And I needed no aid of alcohol, drugs, or sugar. Well...ok, sugar. But that's it. I swear. My squishy (aka boy toy/boyfriend/pet/etc) took me sledding! Wee! (I act absolutely my age) We went through the bush to this hilly pasture area on his grandparents' farm, and lo and behold, there doth be a hill. Of course I made him go first. He couldn't move. I sat there geegling and pointing at him while he waddled his way down and it was alllll jokes. And then once the snow was packed down enough to make a track, he tried it a second time...and ended up crusing right into trees. Many of them. This = funny. Imagine a hooded little character squealing "Shhhiiiiiitttttt!" all the way down. You must find this funny.

I, on the other hand, realized my lack of sledding abilities. I tried to get on the damn thing and I kept falling on my ass because it was too slippery. And then I tried surf pose and that didn't work out so well for me. Head first isn't a pretty picture. Oh, and then there was the multiple times I ended up backwards through no action of my own, tossed right into a burr bush...it took friggin' forever to get those all out of my hair. And it was just all so funny.

P.S. I like kitchen tables. I really, really do. (no further comment...)

It's all down hill from here, squishy.

2004-01-16T02:25:29Z

I have no time. For anything. My schedule looks like this:

Monday: University full day starting at 8:30. Get home at 7:00. Supper, homework, some time to talk on phone, etc.

Tuesday: University starting at 8:30. Get home around 5:00. Teach piano lesson. Take driving lessons. Homework.

Wednesday: University full day starting at 11:30. Get home at 7:00. Supper, homework, some time to talk on phone, etc.

Thursday: University starting at 8:30. Get home around 5:00. Go to part-time job until around 10:30.

Friday: University starting at 10:30. Get home around 5:00. Teach piano lesson. Go to part-time job until 10:30.

Saturday: Homework. Work. Get home around 10:30.

Sunday: Homework. Work. Get home around 10:30.

And somewhere I'm supposed to find a social life, time for my friends, my boyfriend, and my school work. I feel like I'm running around in circles. I have no time for my passions...writing, horseback riding...and I feel like I'm breaking. I can't do it anymore. I can't keep this up.

I don't want the job. I'm unhappy and it's swallowing me whole. In the summer I want to get a full time job. But right now I can only manage teaching piano lessons...but I can't quit. If I do my dad will ignore me...love me less. He's only proud of me when I'm earning something or doing something productive. He'll look down on me. He'll blame it on my boyfriend. And I won't stand up to him. I'll allow myself to feel like shit until everything goes down the toilet.

I am so utterly unhappy.

Revelations.

2004-01-13T04:14:08Z

I did some quizzies.

What attracts people to you?
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What Snack Food are You? (With Cool Pics!!)
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And so the dreaded question comes. Can I see your writing?. I trust my boyfriend more than I trust anyone else. More than my parents even, because they have to fill up Saturday night gossips with something or other and I'm usually a trusty candidate. It's not like he hasn't seen my writing before...but he hasn't seen this writing. The slightly naughty, slightly dark variety. The kind that I intended to be private and read by people I was unattached to. People who didn't know me. People I could trust by default.

I don't know why I'm so scared. It's just that my writing is always a part of me (not meant in a cheesy context), where all the characters and places are influenced by my own life and people I've crossed paths with...some I'm close to. Sharing it with someone so incredibly close to my heart is a frightening experience, like undressing myself in front of them...like exposing my vulnerabilities. It's hard, okay. Leave it at that.

Has anyone else ever experienced this? I can definitely use the wisdom of another. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one this mentally defective.

The good day that went bad.

2004-01-09T21:23:03Z

Ever get one of those days that is just so, so incredibly perfect until everyone else decides to ruin it and the natural order of the universe decides not to apply for that very day just to piss you off and say ha ha? I did.

I woke up this morning and I was happy. Not just happy...I mean unusually happy, the kind of warm buzzing that just makes you glow and you can't stop smiling for a reason you aren't even aware of. It just feels good and right and perfect. I haven't been that happy in a long time. And then my mother decides to go all Mrs. Grouch on me because I worried her last night by being five minutes late getting home. That's right folks. Five. I'm beginning to think more and more that I need to move out...very soon. So she becomes a bitchaholic and I go to the university hoping the day's events will turn out better. Instead, they get worse. My close friend's mother died the day before her 19th birthday. I was so in shock when I found out that I couldn't even react. I just went all stupid and shit and realized wow, her mother and her father are both dead from cancer...and she has nobody now when she's barely an adult...and everyone else thinks their life sucks. So now my slightly bitter mood becomes tragically depressed.

Later on in the day when I was going home, I told my mother about my friend because I was so baffled on what to do under the circumstances. Hoping for advice, my mom points out in a disgusted fashion, "You've got a hickey on your neck! It doesn't look nice. It's gross. It's disrespectful. It's wrong. I'm not happy about this." And between the irritation of her moaning about something so obviously insignificant and the fact that she will never stop being motherly no matter how much older I get, I'm thinking: I guess you wouldn't approve of the all the yummy sex I had last night either, huh? To defend myself, I thought I must experiment with her reaction to my lovebites. And so, while I was walking from one part of campus to the other, I decided to check out the necks of females to catch a glimpse of how many others were floating my boat. The first girl I checked had a bright red hickey on her neck. At least 2 out of 5 girls I checked had hickeys, easily noticeable. I felt so joyous and celebrative and felt like sharing my results with the added conviction of a, "So bite me" to her later on...but I decided against it. I might need my head intact for awhile longer.

So the day sucks already and then I was supposed to go shopping for a dress for this formal I'm gonna shake my bon bon at. Instead I couldn't because I had to bloody work. And this, my friends, is how a wonderful day turns into cow piss.

On a more significant note, to my friend, I pray for her and her family...I can't begin to fathom how devestated she must be...and all I can do is wait with this restless anxiety until she returns from spending time with her family and I can hold her and console her as best I know how.

I am so very fudged in the head. Who woulda thought?

2004-01-08T00:00:12Z

'Fudged in the Head' PLEASE VOTE!!!

What Type of Lunatic are You? (With Cool Pics!!)
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Looky! Looky! -points and babbles like a lunatic-

I knew it! I knew I was a pirate. I officially have the evidence. Mwahaha.

Happy New Year!

2003-12-31T22:11:41Z

I hope everyone achieves all of their new years resolutions. Fortunately, mine are very limited.

1. Write more naughty smut.
2. Have more fun.
3. Learn more about monkeys.
4. Dance down the street naked.
5. Learn how to eat ice cream with tongue alone.
6. Attack evil with vaccuum cleaner.
7. Be good. Occassionally.
8. Laugh at enemies just to piss them off.
9. Pet people who deserve it.
10. Slip on a banana peel while ironically wearing monkey toe socks, have the muffin man hit me with his wagon, fall over a bridge in slow motion, hit the bottom of the ocean and integrate myself into a school of fish, learn to speak Orca, then be eaten by a shark that vaguely resembles George Bush and come back as a penguin.

At least I have achieved number one already! Go see Part 4 of Witch Caught Your Tongue?. It's dirty. Oh, so dirty.

Thinking too hard.

2003-12-28T22:16:22Z

I'm not sure if I'm going to keep up the site Exfoliated anymore. I'm not sure how people have been with it, whether or not my fiction is being read by many because I usually only get the occassional feedback. It's a lot of work to upkeep and I have little time and no direction or assurance that peeps want me to be writing more fanfic, etc. So I'm kinda in a bind, unsure of whether or not to keep going with it. I dunno. Gotta sit on it.

The Duff Christmas.

2003-12-26T15:25:22Z

So, Christmas came and all the little troopers ran around the just cleaned household, so malicious with the need to open their presents. And I stood aside my dad with a bottle of Dave's Spiked Cranberry Lemonade, trying to figure out if I should get drunk or not. My sister spent the night telling me I smelt good. My neice spent the night following me like some stalker...definitely need a restraining order there. My nephew spent the entire night imitating scenes from Chevy Chase's the National Lampoon Christmas. My older nephew spent the night shooting minature pigs at everyone from this pig shooting device someone unfortunately gave him...they should be beheaded immediately. And the adults spent the entire night torturing the youngins. It was indeed a memorable Christmas, and despite how irritable all the above details may sound, it wasn't half bad, thanks of course to my single saviour - pumkin pie.

Woe is me.

2003-12-19T21:33:27Z

Is it just me, or does life really suck? I don't think I need to get into details...but if anyone has some joke, picture, or personal words with the promising ability to make me happy, please post them, and I will forever be in debt to you. Thank yah.

P.S. I finished the next part to Witch Caught Your Tongue?, now I just have to post it. I will...soon. Really.